Speak up.

So, for a long time in my life, I have been known "to tell it like it is." That's how many people describe my personality. I've also heard I'm forward, blunt, bold, and, if I'm really being inclusive with adjectives here, a bitch. Don't get me wrong, none of this bothers me in the slightest. It's all true. What does bother me, however, is the negative connotation that comes with being a forward person who isn't afraid to stand up for something.

For a long time in my life, I was silent. I won't go into my childhood, but it wasn't filled with a white picket fence and puppies and rainbows. I was bullied as a young girl and went through a lot in high school as well, and I didn't go home to an environment where I could be open and talk about it. So I didn't.

But then something magical happened. I realized one day when I turned 18 that I had a voice. A loud one. And ever since that moment, the moment where I realized that I could speak and be heard, I haven't shut up. And I never plan to.

What baffles me about life is the fact that so many people live by just going through the motions. They experience and witness wrongs, and instead of saying anything, they become professional complainers. They wouldn't want to say anything because it wouldn't help, right? People would judge them for speaking up. It might anger some people. You might be associated with those kind of people who just tell it like it is. You might be called a bitch. So you instead become a zombie, living by the rules that others set out for you because you're too afraid to stop being miserable and become a human. 

I'm not saying that standing up for yourself or others is an easy thing. Hell no. It takes a lot of courage. It's a shame that the world doesn't embrace forward thinkers who aren't afraid to question things. How can we possibly expect people to be brave when people often get shut down so easily? Chances are, if you've ever questioned someone or something, you've had a negative experience. People have probably told you to pick your battles, or that its just not worth it. They've probably told you that change can't just happen over night, or that you're going to upset a lot of people if you stand up for something you believe in that they disagree with. You have to be strong-willed to be the person to call something or someone out. You have to be able to take it when others tell you to back off, or that you're wrong. You also have know yourself and what you can handle. Sometimes, it's better to back off. But sometimes, all it takes is one person to instill a change. 

I guess my point is that I am truly saddened that so many people are afraid to change their lives and be happy because of what others might think if they speak up. It's a shame that those who have strong personalities are associated with negative adjectives. But if I'm really being honest, I'd rather be known as a bitch than be walked on for my entire life. I'd rather speak up and learn to deal with people who don't like it than sit around and watch others be bullied or wronged. There is definitely a right and wrong way to approach every situation, and I'm not suggesting you all go out and start yelling at people. But stop sitting idly by, judging those who refuse to.

Time

It's about to get philosophical up in here.

Time is a powerful thing. We can't stop it, speed it up, or slow it down. It consumes us. I'm not just talking about the literal sense where we as humans eat and sleep and go through the motions of time in our daily lives. We go to school for a set number of hours, go to work for a set number of hours, sleep for a set number of hours, etc. Time is so much more than what a clock measures.

"I just need time." We all just need some time now and then. But what does that mean? Well, to get really philosophical on you, Wikipedia defines time as "a dimension in which events can be ordered from the past though the present into the future, and also the measure of duration of events and the intervals between them." Oh Wiki, you so wise. So what are we asking for when we say we need time? The obvious answer is a longer duration. We talk about time like it's a tangible item. We use time for different things, and sometimes time flies. Sometimes it drags. Sometimes you wake up one day and wonder where time went. A tricky bastard, time can be.

People say time heals all wounds. Things take time. All in due time. Just in the nick of time. Time flies when you're having fun. Times, they are a changin. Time after time. Am I missing any? (And now Cyndi Lauper is in my head. Yeah, that's really how she spells her name).

People say grief takes time. They say that there are five stages of grief: Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Time cannot define these stages for us. I can speak from experience when I tell you that some of these stages can last for years. Some people never make it through all five. And even if you do make it to Acceptance, it isn't the final stage. There are brief moments when time slips you back into the others, and you have to work through them all over again. When people tell you grief takes time, they don't tell you that each stage will steal time from you for the rest of your life. They only tell you to give yourself the time to feel it. But the truth is, you can't control how you handle time in a process like grief. Textbooks and studies make it sound like a methodical process, and it's as simple as taking the time for it. In reality, you can't control time in this process; time controls you.

Eventually, time allows you to heal. But what people don't really tell you is that time doesn't make anything easier - it just changes how you miss someone throughout your life. March 21, 2013 is the ninth anniversary of my sister's death. Missing her isn't any easier today than it was on that day nine years ago. When I was only 13, I lost the only person who really knew me. I lost that girl who cut all the hair off my barbies after promising me it would grow back, who bribed me to do her chores, who I stole Backstreet Boys CDs from. I lost that girl who protected me and fought with me and genuinely loved me. I lost that girl I watched get ready for dances looking so pretty, and who loved the boy who took her to prom. I lost that girl who told me stories about what high school would be like and how it felt to be in the "real" world. I never got to tell her how much I appreciated her. You don't really get there until you're adults. I didn't get that time.

It took about six years before I could share this with anyone without breaking down. I know personal stories make some people uncomfortable, but time has taught me that it can be therapeutic to share your experiences not only for yourself, but for those who haven't had enough time yet to understand everything really will be OK.

Life is crazy and beautiful and awful and wonderful and magical and sad all at the same time. No matter what struggles you're facing, I can promise you that you will be OK. It just may take a little time.

Dedicated to my sister, Kimberly. I hope you're still rockin' classy outfits like this one up there. <3 

Procrastination

Things I have done today aside from write my memo for law school:

• clean my apartment
• get up every 10 minutes for a snack
• watch 2 movies on TV
• watch a 3 hour Friends marathon
• watch some cat videos on YouTube
• open Microsoft Word, decide to take a break.
• stare at Facebook like I actually cared about everyone's awkward personal life rants
• read twitter for literally 2 hours
• Write the headings for every memo section. Progress!
• go on every Tumblr with memes about law school or funny things in general
• Go back on Facebook and pretend to care some more about people's awkward personal life rants
• pretend to care about doing my taxes for 30 seconds
• realize my mom will do them for me and stop caring
• Write a sentence on my memo. Clearly this deserves a break.
• go back on Facebook and change my profile picture after thoroughly stalking myself for an hour
• change my Twitter picture and theme
• Change it back
• Change it again
• Watch Fashion Police
• go to Applebees and order take out because I already ate all the food in my kitchen today
• Come back and go on Skype instead of reading for my memo
• Open Blogger, realize that people actually occasionally read what I have to say
• be amazed for a few minutes
• decide this would be more fun than actually writing my memo
• start panicking because I haven't written my memo
• convince myself its cool because I have 4 more days
• Hey, I have headings and a few sentences. Progress!

The End.

Acceptance vs Ignorance

So today, I came across a blog that discussed why Christians should love gay people. The intention of that blog was to send a message that everyone deserves love, and that all religions preach to love each other without discrimination. While the writer clearly meant well, I couldn't help but get extremely frustrated while reading, for more than one reason.

Let me just throw in a disclaimer here - this is NOT going to be about religion, nor am I going to discuss my personal thoughts on religion. This is going to be my opinion on why people have it all wrong, even when they think they're doing others some good.

First off, the writer compared loving gay people to loving drug addicts, alcoholics, the homeless, diseased, and those who are struggling with all sorts of ailments. You know, people who struggle to be something unaccepted in our society - people who need our love most. Just take a second to think about that. Why is this something that people commonly do? This awful connotation was the first thing that made me angry. Homosexuals are not sick or mentally disturbed or addicts.  They're PEOPLE.

Secondly, the writer went into a brief discussion of whether or not being gay was a sin, and whether or not you should care. The discussion was resolved by saying that a person's sins are a personal thing, and it's not your job to care about it. Um, what? So, love the sinners? But he went on to say that we're all sinners, so at least he's being inclusive.

Overall, it was clear to me that this writer truly believed he was writing something positive. His ultimate message was that everyone should love everyone, and he wanted to distinguish his belief in Christianity from those of the people belonging to the Westboro Baptist Church who have been known to hold protests with anti-gay signs, etc. (His words, not mine). However, I couldn't help but notice the above mentioned flaws in his argument. As long as anyone associates those who are gay with those who have diseases or addictions or ailments, nothing will be OK. True acceptance is not looking at a person and ignoring the fact that they're gay so that you can justify still loving them. It is not believing that God will resolve that person's sins, so you may as well love them while they're alive because you wouldn't want to be there on their judgement day. True acceptance is realizing that we are all human beings and that being gay is not a choice or a mental illness. True acceptance is taking a genuine interest in the lives of your friends and loved ones, not ignoring the parts you struggle or refuse to accept. One thing that I find terribly frustrating (and I cannot imagine how it feels to constantly be asked things such as this) is when people who pretend they're being accepting ask, "how's your friend?" instead of asking how the person's boyfriend or girlfriend is. Don't you realize everyone sees right through that question and the only thing you are pointing out to that person is how much you don't accept them? If love and acceptance is something new to you, I respect you for trying. But, really?

A person's sexuality is none of your business. It does not affect their ability to think, function, work, study, or perform other human abilities. It does NOT define them. It is part of them, yes, but it should not be the only thing (or anything, really) that is on your mind when you meet someone or know anything about their personal life. It truly baffles me that in the year 2013, people still categorize others based on their sexuality and go as far as denying equal rights because of it. Its disgusting, really.


I'm not gonna end my thoughts with telling you some story about my gay friends who are amazing and just as good as my not gay friends, because I believe that's part of the problem. You shouldn't suddenly try to accept others because it suddenly affects you in some way. For those wondering, I'm not gay. And I'm not writing this because I just discovered a close friend is gay and had some magical epiphany. I'm writing this as a human being, asking other human beings to stop and think about how you perceive others. I'm asking you stop judging people and stop making it your business to deny anyone their civil rights. So, before you have some profound epiphany where you realize, 'hmm, gays are people?' please stop and think about how your words can be equally damaging in a different way. If you're going to be a friend, be a real friend and take a genuine interest your friends lives. Don't be one of those people who "loves" someone else as long as they don't talk about their sexuality. It doesn't count if you let them talk but judge them silently. It doesn't count if you think it's not your job to judge because God will take care of that later. It doesn't count if you let the fact that you know another's sexual preference is not the same as yours even be a thought in your mind. It only counts if you genuinely care and accept those who are gay as real human beings, equal to yourself. So please, even if you think you're being kind and accepting, make an effort to understand the difference between acceptance and ignorance.