Speak up.

So, for a long time in my life, I have been known "to tell it like it is." That's how many people describe my personality. I've also heard I'm forward, blunt, bold, and, if I'm really being inclusive with adjectives here, a bitch. Don't get me wrong, none of this bothers me in the slightest. It's all true. What does bother me, however, is the negative connotation that comes with being a forward person who isn't afraid to stand up for something.

For a long time in my life, I was silent. I won't go into my childhood, but it wasn't filled with a white picket fence and puppies and rainbows. I was bullied as a young girl and went through a lot in high school as well, and I didn't go home to an environment where I could be open and talk about it. So I didn't.

But then something magical happened. I realized one day when I turned 18 that I had a voice. A loud one. And ever since that moment, the moment where I realized that I could speak and be heard, I haven't shut up. And I never plan to.

What baffles me about life is the fact that so many people live by just going through the motions. They experience and witness wrongs, and instead of saying anything, they become professional complainers. They wouldn't want to say anything because it wouldn't help, right? People would judge them for speaking up. It might anger some people. You might be associated with those kind of people who just tell it like it is. You might be called a bitch. So you instead become a zombie, living by the rules that others set out for you because you're too afraid to stop being miserable and become a human. 

I'm not saying that standing up for yourself or others is an easy thing. Hell no. It takes a lot of courage. It's a shame that the world doesn't embrace forward thinkers who aren't afraid to question things. How can we possibly expect people to be brave when people often get shut down so easily? Chances are, if you've ever questioned someone or something, you've had a negative experience. People have probably told you to pick your battles, or that its just not worth it. They've probably told you that change can't just happen over night, or that you're going to upset a lot of people if you stand up for something you believe in that they disagree with. You have to be strong-willed to be the person to call something or someone out. You have to be able to take it when others tell you to back off, or that you're wrong. You also have know yourself and what you can handle. Sometimes, it's better to back off. But sometimes, all it takes is one person to instill a change. 

I guess my point is that I am truly saddened that so many people are afraid to change their lives and be happy because of what others might think if they speak up. It's a shame that those who have strong personalities are associated with negative adjectives. But if I'm really being honest, I'd rather be known as a bitch than be walked on for my entire life. I'd rather speak up and learn to deal with people who don't like it than sit around and watch others be bullied or wronged. There is definitely a right and wrong way to approach every situation, and I'm not suggesting you all go out and start yelling at people. But stop sitting idly by, judging those who refuse to.

Time

It's about to get philosophical up in here.

Time is a powerful thing. We can't stop it, speed it up, or slow it down. It consumes us. I'm not just talking about the literal sense where we as humans eat and sleep and go through the motions of time in our daily lives. We go to school for a set number of hours, go to work for a set number of hours, sleep for a set number of hours, etc. Time is so much more than what a clock measures.

"I just need time." We all just need some time now and then. But what does that mean? Well, to get really philosophical on you, Wikipedia defines time as "a dimension in which events can be ordered from the past though the present into the future, and also the measure of duration of events and the intervals between them." Oh Wiki, you so wise. So what are we asking for when we say we need time? The obvious answer is a longer duration. We talk about time like it's a tangible item. We use time for different things, and sometimes time flies. Sometimes it drags. Sometimes you wake up one day and wonder where time went. A tricky bastard, time can be.

People say time heals all wounds. Things take time. All in due time. Just in the nick of time. Time flies when you're having fun. Times, they are a changin. Time after time. Am I missing any? (And now Cyndi Lauper is in my head. Yeah, that's really how she spells her name).

People say grief takes time. They say that there are five stages of grief: Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Time cannot define these stages for us. I can speak from experience when I tell you that some of these stages can last for years. Some people never make it through all five. And even if you do make it to Acceptance, it isn't the final stage. There are brief moments when time slips you back into the others, and you have to work through them all over again. When people tell you grief takes time, they don't tell you that each stage will steal time from you for the rest of your life. They only tell you to give yourself the time to feel it. But the truth is, you can't control how you handle time in a process like grief. Textbooks and studies make it sound like a methodical process, and it's as simple as taking the time for it. In reality, you can't control time in this process; time controls you.

Eventually, time allows you to heal. But what people don't really tell you is that time doesn't make anything easier - it just changes how you miss someone throughout your life. March 21, 2013 is the ninth anniversary of my sister's death. Missing her isn't any easier today than it was on that day nine years ago. When I was only 13, I lost the only person who really knew me. I lost that girl who cut all the hair off my barbies after promising me it would grow back, who bribed me to do her chores, who I stole Backstreet Boys CDs from. I lost that girl who protected me and fought with me and genuinely loved me. I lost that girl I watched get ready for dances looking so pretty, and who loved the boy who took her to prom. I lost that girl who told me stories about what high school would be like and how it felt to be in the "real" world. I never got to tell her how much I appreciated her. You don't really get there until you're adults. I didn't get that time.

It took about six years before I could share this with anyone without breaking down. I know personal stories make some people uncomfortable, but time has taught me that it can be therapeutic to share your experiences not only for yourself, but for those who haven't had enough time yet to understand everything really will be OK.

Life is crazy and beautiful and awful and wonderful and magical and sad all at the same time. No matter what struggles you're facing, I can promise you that you will be OK. It just may take a little time.

Dedicated to my sister, Kimberly. I hope you're still rockin' classy outfits like this one up there. <3 

Procrastination

Things I have done today aside from write my memo for law school:

• clean my apartment
• get up every 10 minutes for a snack
• watch 2 movies on TV
• watch a 3 hour Friends marathon
• watch some cat videos on YouTube
• open Microsoft Word, decide to take a break.
• stare at Facebook like I actually cared about everyone's awkward personal life rants
• read twitter for literally 2 hours
• Write the headings for every memo section. Progress!
• go on every Tumblr with memes about law school or funny things in general
• Go back on Facebook and pretend to care some more about people's awkward personal life rants
• pretend to care about doing my taxes for 30 seconds
• realize my mom will do them for me and stop caring
• Write a sentence on my memo. Clearly this deserves a break.
• go back on Facebook and change my profile picture after thoroughly stalking myself for an hour
• change my Twitter picture and theme
• Change it back
• Change it again
• Watch Fashion Police
• go to Applebees and order take out because I already ate all the food in my kitchen today
• Come back and go on Skype instead of reading for my memo
• Open Blogger, realize that people actually occasionally read what I have to say
• be amazed for a few minutes
• decide this would be more fun than actually writing my memo
• start panicking because I haven't written my memo
• convince myself its cool because I have 4 more days
• Hey, I have headings and a few sentences. Progress!

The End.

Acceptance vs Ignorance

So today, I came across a blog that discussed why Christians should love gay people. The intention of that blog was to send a message that everyone deserves love, and that all religions preach to love each other without discrimination. While the writer clearly meant well, I couldn't help but get extremely frustrated while reading, for more than one reason.

Let me just throw in a disclaimer here - this is NOT going to be about religion, nor am I going to discuss my personal thoughts on religion. This is going to be my opinion on why people have it all wrong, even when they think they're doing others some good.

First off, the writer compared loving gay people to loving drug addicts, alcoholics, the homeless, diseased, and those who are struggling with all sorts of ailments. You know, people who struggle to be something unaccepted in our society - people who need our love most. Just take a second to think about that. Why is this something that people commonly do? This awful connotation was the first thing that made me angry. Homosexuals are not sick or mentally disturbed or addicts.  They're PEOPLE.

Secondly, the writer went into a brief discussion of whether or not being gay was a sin, and whether or not you should care. The discussion was resolved by saying that a person's sins are a personal thing, and it's not your job to care about it. Um, what? So, love the sinners? But he went on to say that we're all sinners, so at least he's being inclusive.

Overall, it was clear to me that this writer truly believed he was writing something positive. His ultimate message was that everyone should love everyone, and he wanted to distinguish his belief in Christianity from those of the people belonging to the Westboro Baptist Church who have been known to hold protests with anti-gay signs, etc. (His words, not mine). However, I couldn't help but notice the above mentioned flaws in his argument. As long as anyone associates those who are gay with those who have diseases or addictions or ailments, nothing will be OK. True acceptance is not looking at a person and ignoring the fact that they're gay so that you can justify still loving them. It is not believing that God will resolve that person's sins, so you may as well love them while they're alive because you wouldn't want to be there on their judgement day. True acceptance is realizing that we are all human beings and that being gay is not a choice or a mental illness. True acceptance is taking a genuine interest in the lives of your friends and loved ones, not ignoring the parts you struggle or refuse to accept. One thing that I find terribly frustrating (and I cannot imagine how it feels to constantly be asked things such as this) is when people who pretend they're being accepting ask, "how's your friend?" instead of asking how the person's boyfriend or girlfriend is. Don't you realize everyone sees right through that question and the only thing you are pointing out to that person is how much you don't accept them? If love and acceptance is something new to you, I respect you for trying. But, really?

A person's sexuality is none of your business. It does not affect their ability to think, function, work, study, or perform other human abilities. It does NOT define them. It is part of them, yes, but it should not be the only thing (or anything, really) that is on your mind when you meet someone or know anything about their personal life. It truly baffles me that in the year 2013, people still categorize others based on their sexuality and go as far as denying equal rights because of it. Its disgusting, really.


I'm not gonna end my thoughts with telling you some story about my gay friends who are amazing and just as good as my not gay friends, because I believe that's part of the problem. You shouldn't suddenly try to accept others because it suddenly affects you in some way. For those wondering, I'm not gay. And I'm not writing this because I just discovered a close friend is gay and had some magical epiphany. I'm writing this as a human being, asking other human beings to stop and think about how you perceive others. I'm asking you stop judging people and stop making it your business to deny anyone their civil rights. So, before you have some profound epiphany where you realize, 'hmm, gays are people?' please stop and think about how your words can be equally damaging in a different way. If you're going to be a friend, be a real friend and take a genuine interest your friends lives. Don't be one of those people who "loves" someone else as long as they don't talk about their sexuality. It doesn't count if you let them talk but judge them silently. It doesn't count if you think it's not your job to judge because God will take care of that later. It doesn't count if you let the fact that you know another's sexual preference is not the same as yours even be a thought in your mind. It only counts if you genuinely care and accept those who are gay as real human beings, equal to yourself. So please, even if you think you're being kind and accepting, make an effort to understand the difference between acceptance and ignorance.

Is this thing on?!

Oh yeah, I have a blog. Well, if you can count 2 measly posts during the most boring summer of my life a blog, than sure. But hey, no one reads this thing anyway. And if you are reading this right now, I'm sorry. But not really. Hello? Baxter? You ate the whole wheel of cheese? Actually, I'm not even mad about that!

Ok, enough with the nonsense. If you don't know what what movie I just referenced, you have just broken my heart and I don't know if we should be friends anymore. Ok, its not that serious, but go watch Anchorman, right now! Are you watching? LIES!

Sorry, this is what happens to your brain after a semester of law school. Law school is a magical place where smart people gather and talk about their smartness and nothing is difficult because you're all so smart and its so much fun to learn about contracts and civil procedure and learn how to write all over again! At least that's what I thought when I decided as a wee child that I wanted to go to there. (No, not a typo. Again, if you don't get the reference, I'm crying inside). As Liz Lemon would say, NERDS.

So what has law school taught me so far? Well for starters, don't trust me to give you advice about contract law, because I will definitely just say some big words in a sentence together to sound like I know what I'm talking about. More importantly, I have learned that all those people who are kind of intimidating because they seem like they know what they're doing really have just as little of a clue as you do. No one has a clue what they're doing when they start out, and most people don't have it figured out when they're finished, either. I will be the first to admit how much I struggled in the beginning. I was never the type of person who had to work that hard to get good grades. Obviously I was pretty studious but let's be real, I am a professional crammer and don't care about exams or papers until a day or two before they're due. Law school, however, forced me to change that attitude. See, law school likes to punch you in the face with a month's worth of undergraduate work in one week. If you try to cram, you're screwed.

I can't tell you how many times during the first month I called my boyfriend and told him I was quitting. A few times, I was serious. Things got better when he made me realize that it's ok to take a day off once in a while. No, Kelly, the world won't end. Breathe Kelly, you're hyperventilating. Kelly, you don't hate everything, you just need a day off. If you don't take a day off, I will hide all your books and kidnap you. Yes, I'm serious. And he was.

The experience is what you make it. Its really not worth it to stress 24/7 about all the work you haven't done yet and how much time its all going to take you. The world doesn't end (LOL Mayans) if you take a few minutes to breathe. I think the most important thing I have learned so far is how important it is to continue to do the things you love and remember that there is life outside of school. As hard as balancing school, work, and life can be, none of it's worth it if you forget to live a little.

If you actually read this whole thing, what a pal! I'm gonna try to actually remember that I started writing this and post more frequently. Peace out cubscouts.

Thanks for the memories

When I started college, I was highly concerned with holding my high school friends close and was positive that every adult who ever told me we'd grow apart was unbelievably wrong. But, like every teenager, I had to learn through my own experience in order to really believe this to be true. 

I grew up in a tiny town with nothing to do, and the best friends anyone could hope for. We never seemed to get bored, and we formed a bond that we all thought could never be broken. When you think about losing friends, you imagine some big dramatic event that causes the separation. For some people, that's what happens. But more often, you grow up without even realizing it, and things just change. In the beginning, you put a lot of energy into staying in touch. Then you get busy, and somewhere along the line, those people you texted or talked to on Facebook everyday become less of a thought. At first, you feel bad for not thinking of them. You immediately contact them and say how much you'd love to get together, and you mean it. But the next thing you know, you're home for Christmas break and you haven't spoken to each other since fall. That's OK though, because you all get together and everything is just like normal. 

And then you go back to school, and you get busy again and forget to call or text. You occasionally comment on a Facebook post, maybe even spend a night reminiscing while going through old high school photos. You convince yourself that you're all just busy but you're still just as close and you're never going change. No matter what anyone says, you're friend group is the one that will survive this whole "growing up" thing.

Then summer comes, and you see everyone again and all seems well. You all start working and visiting family and going on vacation, and some of those close friends just get too busy for you. Some people start acting strange. Some just plain stop talking to you with no explanation. Before you know it, fall is here and you're back at school and you only saw people once or twice. And while a part of you is sad, the rest of you is glad to be back at school. A little part of you may even start to be so glad that high school is over, and screw all those reminiscent feelings you've ever had! 

And then you get more involved in college and make new best friends and new memories, and those from your teen years start to fade. You still miss people, and want to keep in touch, but somewhere along the way you stop missing them so much. You stop worrying about the people who've changed, or loss touch, or never want to get together when you both have time. You don't really realize you've gone through a transition  until it's already happened. And it doesn't mean you don't care about those who you were once very close to, and it also doesn't mean you still don't have a few close friends left from high school. It just means you're growing up, and not all of you are going to BFF's like you thought. 

Growing apart is natural, and no one's fault. When it first starts happening, you act like you don't care but deep down, you know it sucks. But then you focus your energy on the present instead of the past, and you realize that you're thankful for the memories. And now when you see your old group from high school, it can be really great to catch up. You realize you still care but it's just different. Being friends as an adult is much different than friendship as a teenager. You don't get to see them everyday, every week, or even every month, and you learn to accept that this isn't the end of the world.

It's great to see people and spend time with old friends, but many have their separate lives now. And as much as you were hellbent on proving the entire world wrong, you realize it's really great that you've all grown up. Or maybe some of them didn't, and that's why you really don't talk anymore. But either way, you learn to accept that it's OK when people come and go in your life. And sometimes when you're all back together, it feels like time hasn't passed at all. To all of my high school friends, whether we talk every day or once a year, or even not at all, thanks for the memories.

OMG WHAT THE BLOG

Why hello there, 2005! Ok, so I'm a little late to join the infamous world of blogging, but hey, it was too cool when I was 15 and BELIEVE ME I was so not cool back then. Anywho, I'm here now because I love to write and quite honestly I have been incredibly bored all summer so why go to sleep at 12:15 am when I can start that blog I've been considering for more than a year now?

By the way, did anyone else spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to pick a name for their blog? I literally stared at my laptop screen for an hour while simultaneously watching The Office and debated naming it every person's name on the show just for funsies (and because I am so not creative). I will shamefully admit that I literally Googled "creative blog names," which only made me feel ridiculous and debate ending my blogging career before I started it. After an hour of looking around my room at inanimate objects and debating which ones to blend together to form a name, Mindless Endeavors popped into my head as a title. Seems suitable, as I spent an hour being mindless on my endeavor to be creative.

If you're wondering what this blog is going to be about, I have absolutely no idea. I can't promise to write anything especially profound or inspiring, but I can promise that I don't take life too seriously, so hopefully it won't get boring to write or read. I am about to enter law school, so I am sure I will have lots of entertaining stories about people watching in the library while I pretend to read about torts and contracts. I love cooking, eating, reading, shopping, and YouTube-ing (I spend more time watching makeup tutorials than I should admit to), so any and all of those are topics that will more than likely make their way into my posts. I also love to be adventurous and travel, so I'll talk about that, too.

Stay classy, planet earth.